You can't help but develop an affection for soap operas. From their intricately woven plots and masterfully devised webs of deception to the depths of their intricate schemes, these shows have stood the test of time as enduring classics. This article was penned in 1970, a product of my musings while filling blank space for our high school paper. Spend a few days immersing yourself in soap operas, and you'll quickly notice how strikingly similar they are to the dramas of 36 years ago...
And now, we delve into a question that relentlessly haunts the minds of men, both in the glaring light of day and the unfathomable depths of night:
Why did Peter, secretly Superman, feign stubbing his toe on the 17th stone along the sidewalk at 4th and Grand, when the 16th stone, the more logical candidate, was larger and should have been the victim of his impervious toe? Meanwhile, Marlys heeded Sam's counsel and chose the yellow tulip over the red and green carnation. Little did they know that Rodregus was aware that the alluring Pandora was presently purchasing the final purple, double-breasted, warbling giraffe with its unique duck-billed features, for her beloved departed Phillip. This transaction occurred under the guise of a humble second mate on the Queen Mary, a ship currently under siege by the tyrant Cedric due to the severe thrashing he had endured at the hands of Radcliff. Unbeknownst to many, Radcliff's ex-wife Natalie was, in fact, Percival's long-lost great-great-uncle Maximillian in clever disguise. Maximillian possessed knowledge that Zigmond had a fondness for unpitted olives snugly nestled within green grapefruits, generously accompanied by Granny and Gretchen's flavorful goulash. This dish was gradually acquiring a gooey consistency. Additionally, Maximillian was privy to Jennifer's contact, Louella, situated in the remote Congo, a territory currently gripped by the ominous Gardenia, who happened to be the seventh cousin of Guenivere. Gardenia's aim was to obtain the coveted eight-ounce bottle of Elmer's Glue safeguarded in the labyrinthine archives of Courtney's colossal computer complex. This repository had been meticulously designed to counteract the prevailing affliction, known as the contagious, crystalline, cucumber crud, which was being surreptitiously transported by weeping cuckoo clock birds using cue sticks, all orchestrated to align with Cornelius' intricate plot to undermine the monetary system and perpetuate the turmoil of the Cormandel Coast Cult. This endeavor was further complicated by the coroner, Cort, whose banal connotations sought to mask his recurrent cardiac contractions, consistently thwarting his conscious attempts to counter the amiable forgeries penned by congenial counterparts under Corwyn's careful guidance, a cosmic cosmetician.
Did these convoluted events hinge on Bill's emerald eyes, or were they the result of Melissa's calculated and meticulous interference in Maude's quest to decipher the calendar, revealing the year she had been dispatched to by her superiors from the future?
Stay tuned for the riveting climax that will emerge from yet another probing question.
